On options and girls vs boys.

I took my children shopping today. We had to pick up a few groceries, buy presents for a couple of my daughter’s friends who have upcoming birthdays and buy shoes/new socks for track (which starts next week).  We also looked for outfits for the kids to wear for Easter.

When I was a kid iit seems like we always got new Easter clothes.  I loved debuting my new outfit on that Sunday.  In fact, I’m pretty sure my feelings about my new clothes and the Cadbury Creme Eggs I usually got tended to overshadow my feelings about our risen Savior.  Sorry, Jesus, my focus is much better now.  Usually.

It’s a lot easier to be excited about new Easter clothes when you are a little girl, in my opinion.  We went to a couple of different stores.  Helen found her new dress in the first store (after trying on 10 different dresses.  I’m not exaggerating).   All the dresses in the girl’s section were beautiful.  In fact, my only complaint might be that several of the styles were too grown up.  I would totally have worn some of the dresses from the girl’s department if they were available in my size.  But I guess grown women don’t wear dresses because the first store had nothing for women.

And they really had nothing for boys either.  At that store the dressiest boy clothing was a polo shirt, which is nice, sure, but not exactly what we were looking for.  Patrick had decided last night that he wanted a suit for Easter Sunday. I’m pretty sure this is because Chris bought a new suit this winter so Patrick was pretty sure he needed one too.  He ended up with slacks and a shirt/tie/vest combo.  Pretty cute and he’s handsome as can be but it’s basically the same set up he had for Christmas and the Easter before that and every other time a dressier outfit seems necessary.  Because there are no other options for little boys.

Who knows?  Maybe this is because we live in such a rural area.  Maybe if we’d gone to a larger city for our shopping we wouldn’t have had this problem.  But I don’t think so because I’ve seen the options other places too.  So my husband and I tease our daughter about being a clothes horse and always wanting to try on several outfits before she makes a decision but maybe it’s because she has options!  Patrick really doesn’t have options so of course he doesn’t try on very many things.  And don’t even get me started on options for women…because there are none.  I didn’t end up buying anything.

Today’s Run: 4 miles on the treadmill.  I woke up this morning to 25+ mph winds and so I wimped out.  Good thing I have a treadmill (I guess.  Maybe it’s a bad thing because I would have been forced to tough it out without!)

On Early Mornings and Sacrifice

It’s spring break week here which means a glorious week off with my kids.  We have some exciting plans (Patrick turns 6 this week and we’ll have a bunch of kids running around for a superhero birthday party on Thursday), we have some boring plans (deep cleaning rooms, taking inventory of summer clothes, other chores) and we have some things we are anticipating (hopefully a new baby cousin will be born in the next week or so…we’re very excited).  Spring break is a nice time to relax and recharge for the final push of the school year.

This morning I wanted to get in an easy three mile run.  This is a distance that I often do at the school track when the kids are home.  If I do that they can play on the playground for a bit while I’m running and everyone is happening.  But I set my alarm last night because I knew the forecast called for rain and the track/playground option doesn’t work so well when it’s raining.  I woke up at 5:30 and, sure enough, it was raining…and not just a little sprinkle either.

Here’s where the going gets tough for me.  I fully admit that I’m spoiled in my running life.  My schedule usually allows me to run after dropping the kids off at school which means I rarely have to force myself out of bed in the dark early morning hours.  I have it easy in my running life.  But sometimes we need to make sacrifices for the things that are important to us and running is important to me.  So I laid in my bed, watching the minutes go by, for 15 minutes or so.  I had a little fight with myself about how maybe the rain would stop and we could do the track/playground thing later.  Or I could probably force myself to do 3 miles on the treadmill.  Because it’s so dark outside and my bed is so nice.  But after awhile I decided I was being silly, I was never going to get back to sleep anyway so I needed to just get up and get going.

So I did.  And it was wonderful.  It was dark, sure, but not as dark as I had convinced myself it was.  And I had my reflective vest on so I could be seen.  It was raining, sure, but there is something so lovely about running in the rain.  That early in the morning the world is so quiet and you run past houses where the lights are just blinking on and it’s like you’re the only person awake.

When I got home my husband was nearly ready to go to work, my kids were up and settled with some morning plans and the Keurig was ready for me to press go.  It was a nearly perfect start to the day.  I think I’ll do it again tomorrow.

Today’s run: 3 miles plus 10 strides, town loop with cemetery hill

Yesterday my sister reminded me of my 40 before 40 list.  It looks like I’ve been slacking on accomplishing anything there but I really haven’t.  So I’ll update some things there later today.  Also, 2 years is a long time so she probably needs to give me a break.  I’ll get there.  Or I won’t…it’s just a silly list.  (Love you, Joni)

Stuck?

I don’t write here very often.  I always mean to but then, you know, life gets in the way.  More accurately, I get in the way, because the fact that I don’t write here often really has to do with my priorities.  And I haven’t been making this a priority.

My son is sick today so I’m at home when I should be doing other things.  In fact, I’ve been having a little pity party because his sickness means that my husband and I won’t be going out tonight, our 13th anniversary.  It’s life and it’s small in the scheme of things, it’s just a disappointment.

Anyway, sitting here on the couch enjoying my pity party I decided to  read through my previous posts on this blog.  My first post on this blog was in March 2013.  It has been two years since that first post and here’s the truth: I think I’m stuck.  Several times I’ve written about the tension between wanting to stay home with my kids and wanting something more.  I talked about feeling like I was on the cusp of something new, of feeling like it might be time to venture in to the workforce. I talked about a job I was offered this fall and worked through some of the reasons I ultimately decided not to take it.  I’ve been working around/through these issues for a long time.  And I still feel no resolution.

I have applied for yet another job.  This job is probably a better fit, in some ways, than the job I was offered last fall.  I was way over-qualified for that job and, in all likelihood, I would have been bored.  This job I’m actually somewhat under-qualified for.  The job would be a stretch and I’m sure I wouldn’t be bored.  I have a first interview for this job a week from Monday.

So I’ve had a bit of a one track mind since I got the call for the interview.  I alternate between feeling very excited about the job possibility, confident that we could make work and that it would be a positive for our family and feeling like I don’t even want to go to work.  I think this is probably natural, the uncertainty/excitement mix.  But I also think I’m feeling and thinking the exact things I did last fall…and even before that.

Millions of women work outside the home.   They successfully raise children and their children are not ruined by the fact that their mothers go to work everyday.  In fact, I think I was 10 when my mom went to work and it was fine.  I don’t remember feeling bad about it at all.  I’m sure the transition period would require some adjustment but I think we’d all survive.  In fact, I know we would.

I feel like it’s time to get unstuck.  I feel like it’s time to stop stressing out about all the what ifs and questions and just make a decision.  I need to stop beating myself up over all this stuff.  Why is that so hard to do?